Pressed Start: When Gaming Connects Us—and When It Takes Over

Kai Mercer

Alright, everybody, welcome back to Unpack with Dr. Julie! I'm Kai, hanging out—as always—with Dr. Julie Sorenson. Today we’re pressing start on a topic that, honestly, I feel like we both get questions about non-stop: video games. Like, are they rotting our brains or are we all leveling up together? Spoiler: it's not that simple.

Dr. Julie Sorenson

That's right, Kai. And honestly, I want to just say this up front—games get a pretty bad rap in some circles, but, when we look at the research, the story is actually way more nuanced. For so many kids, teens, even adults, gaming is part of how they decompress, connect with friends, and even build genuine, lasting skills.

Kai Mercer

Yeah, and for a lot of folks—especially anyone who's maybe a little shy or has trouble finding their people offline—gaming is kind of like, I don’t know, a clubhouse? You hop in and suddenly you’ve got teammates, you’re strategizing, you feel included, you feel part of something. There’s legit research on this, right?

Dr. Julie Sorenson

Absolutely. Granic and colleagues back in 2014 actually found that video games can foster a real sense of belonging. In this digital space, teens and young adults maintain friendships, meet new people, learn to work on a team—sometimes even better than they might in a traditional classroom or playground setting, especially for those who feel a bit isolated or introverted offline.

Kai Mercer

And you know, I honestly think back to my own high school years—my best friend lived two states away, but we were playing online every week. Like, that game lobby, that was our hangout. But Julie, you had a story about someone you knew, right? Like, someone who actually found confidence through gaming?

Dr. Julie Sorenson

Yeah, and I want to tread carefully with details here, but just as an example—there was this introverted teen I knew who felt completely at sea in school. Really didn't have much confidence with in-person peers. But then, through a cooperative online game, he actually built a group of friends who saw his strengths—like, being super strategic and a good leader. Over time, his confidence just took off. The game sort of became his training ground for building social skills that he then started to use offline, too. And that's not rare—when gaming is intentional and in moderation, we see these beautiful growth moments.

Kai Mercer

That’s, yeah… that’s awesome. And not just the connection piece, but, man, games now are challenging. I mean, there’s more to it than just button-mashing. We're talking hand–eye coordination, puzzle solving, strategic thinking—some games are full-on mental gymnastics.

Dr. Julie Sorenson

Totally. Studies like the one from Bavelier and friends—2018, if I’m remembering correctly—show that things like fast-reaction games and complex puzzles actually promote brain flexibility. They help with problem-solving, perseverance, even emotional regulation. It sounds basic, but learning to lose and try again, especially with a supportive group around you, is a major life skill. Games can absolutely teach resilience and persistence far beyond the screen.

Kai Mercer

So—it's not just “kids zoning out with a controller.” There are real, legit benefits when gaming is woven into life the right way. But… you knew this was coming—there’s a flip side, right?

Dr. Julie Sorenson

Oh, there has to be, right? Nothing this engaging comes risk-free. Here’s the thing—even though games can be seriously positive, when they become the main coping strategy, or go totally unregulated, we start running into trouble. Like, real, significant trouble. The World Health Organization even recognizes “Gaming Disorder” now—if playing is interfering with your daily life, responsibilities, sleep, or relationships, it’s not just “too much screen time.” It’s actually diagnosable.

Kai Mercer

I mean, I kind of saw signs of this in college—full honesty. There was this week during finals, I was just overwhelmed, so I told myself, “Just one game to chill out.” Suddenly, it’s three hours later, papers not done, and I was straight-up irritable if my roommate tried to interrupt me. I started skipping dinners, dodging phone calls. It was like, the only way I knew how to avoid my stress was to just, you know, disappear into the game.

Dr. Julie Sorenson

And, I appreciate you saying that, because that’s—well, it’s more common than people realize. When gaming is used as an escape, it can lead to withdrawal from real life. We see things like irritability, lost interest in anything non-gaming, disrupted sleep. It’s not that games themselves cause, you know, a meltdown, but when it’s the main avenue for coping, the emotional fallout can be big. Some research points to issues like anger outbursts, struggles with self-esteem, and a kind of comparison trap—if your identity becomes all about your online status or ranking, it can really chip away at confidence, especially for teens already feeling uncertain offline.

Kai Mercer

And honestly, I think people sometimes miss that it’s not just “too much fun.” It’s that what gets squeezed out—friendships, activities, movement, family time. Like, Twenge’s research found that when gaming displaces our real-world connections and activities, emotional health slips, too. Humans… we actually need face-to-face time and movement. Who knew, right?

Dr. Julie Sorenson

Exactly, and it feels simple but it’s powerful. Eventually, if gaming becomes a replacement for exploring, playing, moving, those vital developmental pieces can stagnate. It’s what we’ve talked about in past episodes, like learning to listen to your body or to build in movement—even just short breaks—because those are foundational for well-being. When gaming is in balance, it’s fine; when it takes over, that’s the red flag.

Kai Mercer

Right, so it’s not about villainizing games, but about knowing the warning signs—losing interest in everything else, mood sliding downhill, sleep tanking. If that’s becoming the new normal, it’s time for a reset. Which, okay, that brings us to the big question: how do we actually find balance when everything is digital?

Dr. Julie Sorenson

Such an important question, and I want to start by saying—balance doesn’t mean perfection, or banning games. Instead, it’s about being intentional. For parents or caregivers, it might look like setting consistent boundaries—limits that protect things like sleep, school, and relationships. But it’s also about pairing screen time with offline activities: keep devices in shared spaces, mix in outdoor play or creative time. Kids, teens—even adults, honestly—do best with a healthy rhythm, not all-or-nothing rules.

Kai Mercer

And if you’ve got teens—yeah, nobody wants the dictator parent thing. I know families who use tech contracts, where everyone comes up with the rules together. Like, okay, what do we notice about our mood, our sleep, our schoolwork when we play? And then together, they set up realistic limits. It’s not about catching someone breaking the rules, but building those self-monitoring muscles, right?

Dr. Julie Sorenson

Exactly. And what helps most isn’t control—it’s curiosity. I knew a family who were locked in these power struggles every day: “Turn it off!” “Just five more minutes!” over and over. So instead, they sat down, each person shared what they valued about gaming or why it was hard to stop, and they built a joint agreement. They gave 5–10 minute warnings before sign-off, paired gaming with outdoor play, and—this part I loved—they added a shared no-screens block for board games or walks. The conflict didn’t vanish, but suddenly it was about shared values, not just rules or consequences.

Kai Mercer

Yeah, and if you’re a young adult—maybe even living on your own—the “rules” part shifts to self-accountability. Look at what gaming is doing for you—is it relieving stress, or is it just helping you avoid everything else? You can set up alarms, intentionally carve out time offline, or even just pause and notice how you feel before and after. It’s like, “Is this game enhancing my life, or is it helping me dodge it?”—if it’s the latter, maybe something needs to change.

Dr. Julie Sorenson

So well said. All of this comes down to awareness, not shame. Gaming can totally be a way to connect, grow, rest—but it’s not a replacement for real-life movement, face-to-face friendships, or emotional growth. And when it starts to feel like it’s taking more than it gives? That’s the moment to pause and reset. You’re not failing; you’re learning how to be human in a digital world. Which is hard! But so, so worth it.

Kai Mercer

And that’s honestly—well, that’s what we’re always trying to do here, right? No shame, no all-or-nothing thinking, just real tools for being human, even when life gets messy or digital or a bit chaotic. Julie, thanks for breaking it all down with me today.

Dr. Julie Sorenson

Thank you, Kai. And thank you to everyone listening—for letting us unpack this with you. Whether you’re a gamer, a parent, or just human in 2026, we’re in this together. See you next time, Kai!

Kai Mercer

See you next episode, Julie. Take care, everyone!