When Winter Break Challenges Parenting

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We are back with Unpack with Dr. Julie, and if you are a parent, you won't want to miss this episode. Okay, so, if you are a parent bracing yourself for winter break—or maybe you’re already in the thick of it—let’s just be real: the promise is pajamas and hot cocoa, but the reality is, well, fighting siblings and more eye rolls than a middle school Valentine’s dance. I mean, I can imagine every year you see this in your practice, Dr. Julie, and honestly, it's in my own kitchen: back talk shoots up faster than my grocery bill around this time of year. And before you start blaming yourself or asking, “Why does my sweet kid morph into a tiny lawyer just because school’s out?”—let’s unpack what’s actually going on.

Dr. Julie Sorenson

The truth is, back talk during winter break isn’t random. It’s communication, but you know, wrapped up like a present that rattles ominously when you shake it. What’s underneath all that sass? Routines have gone out the window—bedtimes are later, screens are on longer, and the only thing moving less than your teenager is, well, maybe you if I’m honest. Every day can feel a little more chaotic, and with all those loose ends comes this surge in reactivity. When regulation goes down—meaning, when our brains and bodies are off their rhythm—kids don’t have access to the self-control we hope they remember. It’s not that they suddenly forgot manners; it’s that those skills aren’t locked in yet. And, you know, children’s brains just aren’t fully cooked until their mid-20s—so a little compassion (for you and for your kids!) goes a long way.

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And here’s the thing: a lot of what adults call “disrespect” is actually just a cry for help. It’s frustration because they can’t get their words right, or it’s exhaustion that sneaks out as attitude, or it’s a kid missing their sense of control in a house that suddenly feels crowded and loud. I’ll never forget—just last year, my own child, in full dramatic fashion, declared, “This is the worst vacation ever!” Not because they meant it, but because their brain was maxed out. Melt-down moments like these? Usually, they’re masking overload, not an actual vendetta against your parenting. Taking it personally just piles your stress on theirs, and trust me, nobody wins when that happens.

Dr. Julie Sorenson

So, let’s talk action. If you’re sitting there thinking, “Maybe if I just ignore the back talk, it’ll go away,” I get that. But I also gotta say—that’s one of the biggest myths I see trapping parents. Kids don’t come with a manual, but they do, unfortunately, come with patterns. If we let those early “ugh, you’re so annoying” comments slip? It can turn into the full “you’re ruining my life” drama later. I’ve even been told “I hate you” to my face—with great conviction—by a kid who twenty minutes later needed help finding their socks.

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Dr. Julie suggests the goal isn’t silence—it’s skill-building. Consistent, calm correction beats punishment every time, and research totally backs this up. I mean, Baumrind’s work on authoritative parenting, and Gottman’s ideas about emotional coaching—it’s all about giving kids a playbook they can actually use. So, if you have younger kiddos—ages four to nine—the first order of business is regulating yourself. I know, I know: “But I’m the parent!” Believe me, a dysregulated adult can’t teach a wound-up kid anything useful.

Dr. Julie Sorenson

Try this: lower your voice, slow your body, pause. If your child snaps, “This is stupid!”—counter with, “I hear you’re frustrated. Try again with respectful words.” Give them replacement scripts before the meltdown, not in the middle of one. And consequences? Immediate, calm, and boring. “That tone isn’t okay. Take a break and we’ll try again.” No lectures, no yelling. It’s the consistency that works, not intensity.

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And older kids—tweens, teens—don’t lose hope Dr. Julie mentions in her research. You can repair and reteach, but you’ve gotta skip the power struggles. Teens are like debate club champs: if you get pulled into arguing, they feel like they won. So, set your boundary once: You suggest saying, “I’ll talk when you can speak respectfully.” That’s it. Don’t debate. Save the reflection for calm moments: “Hey, I’ve noticed we get stuck in sarcasm and yelling… that’s just not working.” Teens actually respond better to collaboration than to control.

Dr. Julie Sorenson

That's right Kai, and sometimes you need to trot out some magic words, right? For my own kids, “non-negotiable” meant I was dead serious about respect—no loopholes, no matter how creative they got. And big picture? Privileges depend on how they express their needs, not whether they’re perfectly happy all the time. It’s about learning real-life communication, not pretending no one ever gets upset. Just—patterns matter more than those one-time freak-outs. If it’s always sarcasm and shouting, that’s the cycle you want to gently disrupt.

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Now, let’s talk about you—the parent. I mean, we’ve all heard, “Put your own oxygen mask on first,” but winter break takes that to a whole new level, right? If you’re counting down until school starts so you can finally drink your coffee hot—hey, zero judgment. Burnout fuels back talk, not the other way around.

Dr. Julie Sorenson

Here’s what I want every parent to know, and I’m serious about this: your nervous system matters, too. There’s no trophy for responding to every outburst or saying yes to every game of Monopoly. You’re allowed—actually, encouraged—to take a breath, take a walk, or simply step away before you react. Lower your expectations during winter break—it’s not about lowering the bar, it’s just… well, it’s about not moving the bar every time things go a little sideways. Structured flexibility is your best friend here.

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Your practical tip? The five-minute countdown, Dr. Julie, this is amazing! Instead of announcing, “We’re leaving now!”—which, let’s be honest, never works—try, “In five minutes, we’re gonna need to leave.” It helps everyone transition with way less drama. Another one: if you feel yourself about to lose your cool, actually walk away if you can. It models self-regulation in real time.

Dr. Julie Sorenson

I remember a school training where I talked with both kids and the parents about boundaries, and hands down, the biggest shift came from the adults. When parents and teachers set clear, calm limits—without the guilt or the debate—the entire classroom vibe changed. Kids actually felt safer, more settled, and guess what? They brought that calm home with them. It’s an awesome ripple effect, and it starts with you choosing calm over control.

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So, winter break isn’t about “winning” or proving you never get rattled. It’s about teaching your kids where safety and structure really live—and reminding yourself that protecting your peace isn’t just allowed, it’s essential. Alright, that’s a wrap for today. If you found this episode helpful, make sure to check out our last one about surviving the holidays without a meltdown, and stay tuned—because next time, we’ll go even deeper on restoring connection after the break. Thanks for letting us unpack this with you!